PETE CROW-ALEXANDER!!!
Plus, the Bears still suck, Myleswood, y otras cosas.
I’ll be honest for a second here, it’s not been the best week for my family or me. My dad spent last week effectively bedridden, calling out of work and spending multiple days recuperating on our couch. And then on Thursday, he needed emergency surgery. He’s fine, thank G-d, and more than likely will be home not long after this article is posted. But to say the least, it’s been a shitty week. And with my mother suddenly falling a bit under the weather, I’m reminded of that old adage of when it rains, it pours.
Why am I mentioning any of this? I guess just to have a place to say it, to vent a little, but more than anything, as a reminder that most of the stuff I write about is far less important than the health of the two dearest people in my life.
I could not make it through a day without their love and support and having them with me every day is a huge factor in what keeps me going.
I’ve struggled with mental health starting in high school through college, and now in adulthood. Walking was my best coping mechanism until I had to stop to treat a nagging Morton’s Neuroma, eventually requiring surgery to remove the irritated nerve. I’ve yet to finish physical therapy, and thanks to that, I’ve yet to get back on the wagon and start walking again. So, when all of these health issues crashed down on the family at once, it was a shock to the system. It reminded me of the fragility of life and how things can change so much in a flash.
I’m thankful for my parents and their help through my own woes, and it’s been nice, perhaps just that I’ve been a caretaker of sorts for them these past few days. And at my age, it’s frankly a little embarrassing that they’re still this important to me and my daily life. But that’s just how things have shaken out, I suppose. I can’t continue lamenting it. I can only push forward and move through the muck.
If you’re still reading, thank you for your support. It means the world to me. And now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to our regularly scheduled rantings and ravings about sports.
I could continue to be a downer and dwell on the fact that the Cubs haven’t won a series since sweeping their homestand against the Reds right before the eventual 10-game losing streak that cratered them straight into baseball hell for a little over a week. I could even point out that they started May 10-3 in first place and ended the month 13-16, five games behind the Brewers, a half a game behind the Cardinals, and tied with the Pirates for third place.
But guess what? I’m not gonna eat worms over a shitty month. Because baseball baseballs everybody. It is a sport that is probably a month too long and thus is not always the best reflection of the best teams in a given season. Sometimes, the teams with the best record go cold and winless in October, while a team at the lower end of the playoff standings goes on a heater to win it all. That’s more or less the story of the 2025 LA Dodgers, finishing with the third-best record in the National League before pummeling the league-best Brewers for four straight games.
I still happen to believe that the Chicago Cubs, warts and all, can win the National League Central and the pennant.
Now, I doubt they’ll do so while trotting out Jordan Wicks, Jameson Taillon, and Shota Imanaga every five days, but weirder things have happened. More than likely, they will have to add a pitcher or two or three at the deadline, or maybe a little bit before. And maybe swing a deal for a power hitter to be a full-time threat in the DH slot.
The offense needs to cut down on its strikeouts, score more runs, and hit the ball to the outfield. Pop-ups and grounders are killing their ability to score, hence the reason they lead the league in runners left on base.
All of these issues need to be addressed, and thankfully, there’s a soft part of the schedule coming up where the Cubs don’t face a single team over .500 for the next 15 days. If they don’t make hay during this stretch, it might be time to panic.
But I think this team is coming out of its funk just at the right time.
While they dropped the ball against the Cardinals over the weekend, a few really awesome moments came out of Saturday’s victory thanks to Pete Crow-Armstrong:
Chef’s kiss, all of it.
From the Pillsbury Proud Boys getting shut up by an absolute piss missile straight into THEIR section, the moron who couldn’t throw the ball further than a toddler, and all of it in St. Louis? Just a perfect fuck-you from the Cubs’ brashest new villain.
Oh, and then the way Pete ended the game? Absolute cinema:
When he’s on, there’s no more dominant player on the roster than Pete. For the past month-plus, he’s been taking more walks, hitting the ball with more authority, and playing some fantastic defense in the outfield. Sure, he’s also managed to get into a spat with a fan and committed a little league-level error, but the man looks motivated. He’s playing with fire and passion, but more importantly, with confidence. And last season, when he was at his most confident, he was an MVP candidate. Even with his terrible start at the plate this season, he’s still the most valuable Cub in WAR. And with Alex Bregman currently on an 11-game hitting streak, the bats couldn’t be meeting this soft part of the schedule at a better time.
For those who didn’t catch the Saturday FOX national broadcast, be happy you didn’t need to withstand the broadcast stylings of Eric Collins. Don’t be fooled by the clip above; he was atrocious for most of the night. He reminded me of a generic video game announcer from MLB Slugfest 2004, just a screaming doofus making the most mundane moments unconvincingly sound like Game 7 of the World Series. He sounded like dynamite on crack-cocaine. He was stuck on one volume: obnoxiously loud. After Pete’s double in the 5th inning, Collins bellowed overenthusiastically, “PETE CROW-ALEXANDER!” And thus, he created not only a new Cub, but plenty of reaction online:
Anyway, Collins should stick to Charlotte Hornets games. Or maybe he’d be better off as a human alarm clock. I don’t know.
Speaking of not knowing things, the Chicago Bears are no closer to having a new stadium than they were five years ago when they bought the Arlington Heights racetrack. The Illinois House didn’t pass the PILOT megaprojects bill that would have secured, among other things, the “tax certainty” (read: tax breaks) the Bears are seeking on the Arlington Heights site, and now the legislature is taking the rest of the summer off until reconvening in the fall to start the process all over again.
The Bears have owned this lot in Arlington with the intention of building the new stadium George Halas always wanted. They finally committed and were one step closer to leaving Soldier Field for good. Then they hired Kevin Warren away from the Big Ten and have been playing mind games ever since.
First, they were committed to the Arlington Heights site. Arlington Heights refused to cut a deal with the team that would slash their property taxes. Then suddenly, the Bears pivoted to once again wanting to renovate Soldier Field, complete with a glitzy announcement alongside Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson, a pastor for some reason, and a slick concept video narrated by Bill Kurtis. Once Friends of the Parks called bullshit on that boondoggle bluff, the Bears ran to Indiana Governor Mike Braun and cooked up a half-baked plan to build a stadium on a human waste site in Hammond, just a few miles away from the Illinois-Indiana border. And considering Indiana has already passed a bill paving the way for the Bears to start building ASAP, but the Bears still haven’t taken that deal, it’s pretty clear that they have no intention of jumping the border. Kevin Warren clearly believed that the Indiana bill would scare Illinois lawmakers into countering with a more friendly deal.
Whoops!
Meanwhile, Brandon Johnson won’t take the hint, partially because Warren has allegedly continued overplaying his hand by backchanneling with officials in Chicago, leading them to believe that the Bears might still end up in the city proper after all!
TL;DR? I don’t blame you because it’s all stupid as shit.
If you want to blame Chicago and Illinois politics for this holdup, by all means, go right ahead. But as someone who has lived in the city where the Atlanta Braves made off like thieves in the night to raze the Cobb County parks district for Truist Park and The Battery, we have personally seen little in overall return aside from a maze of overpriced parking lots and restaurants connected to a ballpark. While it’s nice for those willing to pay extra, it ultimately isn’t spectacular and nowhere near worth the money it took to build it on our dime. I don’t advise rooting for your politicians in Illinois to dick you over again as they did with the Soldier Field spaceship fiasco back in ‘03.
It’s not on the state of Illinois to do the Bears’ job for them. Build your fucking stadium, or don’t. It’s really that simple.
I have no idea how this mess gets resolved, and I frankly don’t care anymore. Stop wasting everyone’s time and your own money and just finish the thing.
In terms of the actual football itself, things didn’t get any easier for the Bears after the Los Angeles Rams made yet another YOLO move and traded for arguably the best pass rusher in the entire world:
The single-season pass rushing leader of all time will take his talents to Hollywood in a deal intended to make a team that fell just one game shy of probably winning the Lombardi Trophy a year ago into the hosts of next year’s Super Bowl LXI in their own backyard.
It’s already a tough task for the Bears to grind through a first-place schedule comprised of teams with the best combined winning percentage from 2025. Now, they will likely have to get through either the Seahawks or have a potential rematch with the Rams if they do make the playoffs (not to mention the Packers and Lions twice each in the regular season). And the Rams already kicked your ass at home without Myles fucking Garrett.
No matter how you look at it, the Bears are right in the middle of a shift in the balance of power in football. While most of the league’s best QBs are in the AFC, the most well-rounded teams are in the NFC, including two in your own division.
If the Bears are going to win the NFC, they’ll more than likely need a few of those teams to dramatically underperform while simultaneously holding their own against a grueling schedule. Caleb Williams, the rumored Madden 27 cover athlete, will have to live up to the ridiculous expectations set not only by himself but through his own dazzling play. Expectations haven’t been this high for the Bears in years, or arguably ever.
LA adding an absolute monster doesn’t make this task any less daunting.
Once again, thank you for the support. Even if like three people read this thing regularly, it’s nice knowing that I have an audience. You don’t know how awesome you truly are, and as a reward, here’s a belated celebration of International Shelties Day and a photo dump of the unofficial mascot of The Rant, Brody:
